You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize