If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I need a hoe opinion
go on
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
