How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
