just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Holy sore nipples Batman
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
