U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
A bitchslap is in order.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
