why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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