How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize