Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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