I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
