david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
