pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize