Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
