We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
