Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
