I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
