Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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