if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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