I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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