Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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