I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize