I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
