Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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