I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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