i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize