I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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