Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
