I feel like abortions should bother me more
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You took a bar mat shot.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
