when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
