Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
