He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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