If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
