I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
