Define "chronic" masturbator.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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