Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
