So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize