Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
