Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
