You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize