Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
