Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize