Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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