I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize