There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
