chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
