Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
