i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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