my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
