There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
