yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
