dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize