discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
