The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize