just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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