remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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