I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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