very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
