so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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