Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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