Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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