its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize