he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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