i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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