she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
