i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
