Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
