Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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