i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
