They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
