well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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