So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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