She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
