My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Can I color on your dick again?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
