She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
