Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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