gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
