I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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