Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize