man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize