mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
