On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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