Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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