Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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