just survived the first fart of the relationship.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize