So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
