we have pet lesbian snakes
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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