i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
