Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
