Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
