i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
