how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
