Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
