i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Two words: nipple clamps
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