You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
