The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
