You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
