His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
