I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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