There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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