I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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