You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
