i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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