I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
