i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
