you guys were way drunker than both of me
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
