I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
