I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You can't just leave with hair like that
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize