my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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