if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
