just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Randomize
