if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
