guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i just had sex bonerless
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
