Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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